#reverb10 - Let Go

Let Go.
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
(Author: Alice Bradley)

The answer to this prompt came quickly, but the words to write about it did not. When I chose to participate in Reverb10, I didn't think about how hard it would be to put 'me' on the page. I could write about this in my journal, be brutally honest and know that those words would be safe.

Not so much here.

Do you see what I see?

More so because it isn't only strangers reading these, but friends and family - people I know.  I might run into them later today or tomorrow. Maybe I'll talk on the phone with them soon. (Will you ask me about this? It's okay, if you do, but I don't know if I'm ready to share the details...)

Clutter.

People. Things. All require time and maintenance. Do they enrich my Life in any way? Do I love them? How do I feel when I'm around them? It's easier to dump the bad stuff than the good stuff, even knowing it's not what's best for you.

I breathe easier remembering that the truth about letting go isn't about denial; it's about freedom.

#reverb10 - Wonder

Wonder.
How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
(Author: Jeffrey Davis)

Hmmm...I don't know that I can honestly say that I have conscientiously cultivated a sense of wonder in my Life this year. This has been a difficult year. Finding wonder didn't really make the to-do list.

It hasn't always been this way.

Serendipity.

An unexpected happy discovery.

Wonder.

I'm sure that many who have answered this reverb have mentioned children. I've been blessed with four incredible kids who continually remind me of the wonder of this Life. It's easy to spot the wonder in them, isn't it? It's that shine of innocence, when their face lights up, that smile that somehow skips it's way across your face and onto your heart.

When I started pondering this prompt, some words from a song, from my childhood (and their's), sprang to mind. You may know them yourself...

"...Life's a happy game

You could clown around forever

Neither one of you sees your natural boundaries

Life's one happy game.

If only the world wouldn't get in the way

If only people would just let you play

They say you're both being fools

You're breaking all the rules

They can't understand the magic of your wonderland..."

The Best of Friends

From "The Fox and the Hound"

Composed by Richard Johnston and Stan Fidel

The funny thing is, I didn't remember the words quite like that...I was singing that last line as, "...they can't understand the magic of your wonder..."

Here's a video clip (the song starts about 1:30).

Being a member of the Adult Conspiracy (Piers Anthony, anyone?), it's more difficult for those blossoms of goodness to be recognized in my Life.

So, I'm making daily choices to:
Slow down.
Pay attention.
Be present.

There's only so many hours in the day...I want more of them to be spent enjoying and appreciating this Life, experiencing the wonder.

Even if it means dirty laundry, running the dishwasher and eating cereal for dinner.

#reverb10 - Moment

Moment.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
(Author: Ali Edwards)

It was cool in the room. The whirr of the fans a faint backdrop to the chatter of the people standing around. Places. Everyone seemed to have a place. Not me. I searched the floor space for a vacancy, somewhere off to the side, out of the way, but I was too late.

Gray, cotton shorts swish against my legs as I move forward.

Gently herded to the middle of the room, directly in front of the instructor. She's petite. Maybe all of almost 5'. A powerhouse of confidence and strength dressed in board shorts and a black tank, hands gloved and clenched.

The music starts. Pounding its way through the wooden floor, urging muscles, long out of use, to move. Panic.

Can I do this?

Charmed, mirroring the motions, just a beat behind. Warmth spreading across my limbs. Hairspray and scented lotion waft across the room. Black amethyst.

I think I can do this.

Heart pounding. Flashes of nike and under armour. The floor beneath us reverberates with the pounding of soled empowerment. Ki-ya!

I can do this.

Sweat drips beneath my shirt, dark patches a testament to the exorcising of fear. Feeling the burn. I smile.

I AM DOING THIS.

Faster, stronger. Just a few more minutes. Pushing through the ache.

The music slows, the noise recedes. Flowing, releasing, breathing.

I can do this again.

(2010 has been a year of deeply felt moments. Many of them I'm still working through. This day was a much needed reminder that although I can't control what's going on around me, I can take ownership of what's going on inside of me. Sometimes it's as simple as needing a little guidance, a bit of support, and a hot and sweaty workout to refocus my 'can do, love Life' attitude! Then there are the days I eat chocolate.

I know I'm a little behind with the prompts, but I fully intend to complete each one! In pursuit of that, I will probably fudge the dates, so the prompts stay in order. No, not a necessity, but will certainly help me to stay organized!)

#reverb10 - Writing

Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

Apple Pie Love

Right now Life seems to consist of work, family, home, repeat. I'm not complaining. I love my job and the people and stories I encounter because of it, I adore my family and the richness they add to my Life and the pursuit of Domestic Goddesshood (and yes, spellcheck, that's a word...) that helps me to put things in perspective.

These all qualify as blog fodder, right?

When I saw this prompt this morning, the first thing to come to mind was internet surfing. I don't spend a lot of time (some days not any) hanging out on the social networks. I do, however, love to read blogs and websites, gleaning whatever inspiration and encouragement comes my way. Clicking a link here, following a link there...and before I know it an hour that was supposed to be only 15 minutes has passed by.

Then it hit me.

So, while my creative juices are flowing, my cup runneth over...and into the drain field! Lately, I spend too much time thinking about what I could do and should be spending more time actually doing, creating, experiencing those things that are meaningful to me!

Hmmm...shoulda, woulda, coulda...

So, I dig a little deeper.
The fear.
Am I enough?

I am constantly working on this. Learning every day, a little at a time, to accept that I am enough, to not hide behind the clutter in my life, those people and activities, that sap my precious time and leave me feeling wasted, overwhelmed...not enough. Always wondering 'what more could I have done?'

Eliminate this paralyzing fear? One day.

Every experience, every event, every laugh, fall, tear...are all opportunities for me to be present in the moment, to reflect and later share parts of my story, our story - the story of our family, to document not only the crossroads, but the seemingly mundane moments that are the foundation of our days.

Our enoughness.

#reverb10 - One Word

Okay.
Here goes.
Another
Daily challenge
During this
Oh.So.Busy.
Time of the year.

Thanks to Ali Edwards I found Reverb10. From their website:

"Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10, we'll do both.

This December we invite you to share your story and join us in reflection."

So, I've accepted. Late to the party as usual, but here nonetheless. If all goes well, I'll post every day. 'Day' being the keyword! (Making this post a quick one, so I can get to bed!)

December 1

One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

So, that's really a total of two words, right?

Mayhem - a state of disorder

That's my word for 2010. I would have liked a more positive word, you know, like amazing, but this past year has seemed to be a constant flow of experiences, choices and consequences that have altered my world in big way. It really hasn't stopped.

I'm still feeling the aftershocks.

I would love to be able to say that these have all been wonderful times in which I have always made the right decision and things have worked out as planned, but then 'mayhem' wouldn't have been a good word choice, would it?

I don't know if I'm ready to commit to one word for 2011 just yet. There are so many things I want to manifest this coming year in myself and my relationships. Tentatively, the words courage, amelioration (meaningful and fun to say!) and metamorphosis come to mind. 

Lovely words

of strength,

healing,

and change. 

Quite the trifecta, wouldn't you say?